Quitters Never Win and Winners Never Quit. Well, not exactly.
Quitting the wrong thing won't produce a win- but quitting the right thing will.
What possibly could be a 'right' thing to quit? You may ask.
Continually putting others before your needs
Staying with something or someone when it's over
If you follow my blog, you may have read my blog, Surviving Temporary Interruptions. A family member needed my help, and I was there for them- full time.
A few weeks ago, I was sensing that my time for helping this person was coming to an end.
Usually, no one is happy when you do what's best for you. Prepare for that if this blog/article resonates with you and you know you need to 'quit' something.
During the time I had been helping this person, I focused on and taught "how to" do… plus valuable organizational skills. I spent time helping them to "level up" in areas they needed help. Now, I am stepping down from that position, and I have found specialized support for their specific needs.
WHEN HELPING HURTS
Sometimes we think we're helping someone, but we can actually end up doing so much for them that they expect us to continue the constant help.
Sometimes we go from helping and supporting to enabling them. Enabling means supporting someone's behavior. It's usually used in terms of enabling someone's addictive behaviors- but it doesn't have to be something as serious as addictions to drugs, gambling, overeating, and other destructive behaviors.
It can be as simple as doing something (usually over and over and over and over), so the other person doesn't have to struggle. Or rescuing someone from a painful consequence. Even "breaking the fall," so to speak, to prevent a friend or loved one from fully experiencing the outcome of their choice(s).
When we step into a role or continue the role- beyond reasonable limits- of savior, helper, rescuer … we end up robbing them of their potential to grow from adversity or learn from their mistakes.
KNOWING WHEN TO QUIT
This is a hard one. When we've stepped up to help someone- there may come a time when we stop and let them live their own life.
Obviously, there are situations where we will need to continue as I did when I took care of my disabled mom. This blog/article isn't about being a full-time caregiver. That's a whole other thing.
This is about when it's time to do what we need to do for ourselves. It's time to live our lives and let others live theirs.
We all make choices. And we all should live out the consequences of our choice- good or bad. Anger, resentment, and boundary violations happen when someone else's poor choice affect us.
Recently, when I knew I couldn't keep on helping full-time, I wrestled with guilt, and 'shoulds', and the 'what ifs' that saying no and setting needed healthy boundaries can bring. I prayed and sought direction. And the beautiful thing is that I found encouragement and confirmation in my network of people I spend time with every day.
CONNECTIONS & CONFIRMATIONS
Before we continue, who do you listen to daily or weekly? Who (or what) feeds your soul, mind, and emotions? What direction is your life headed? Are you happy and content with your answer?
I decided a long time ago to limit what I call 'mindless TV.' Instead, I listen to or watch productive, positive, educational, and usually faith-filled podcasts or tv. I have a few shows that I watch for entertainment, but not many. Instead, I fill my mind and feed my spirit with what will help me grow as a person and continue my physical, mental, and emotional healing.
I want and need all the help I can get. I love how I feel when I listen to a message on faith or learn a new skill or 'level-up' (< my word for 2020 and I did).
My posse or network includes but isn't limited to… Terri Savelle Foy and Mama Joyce Meyer.
I focus on them, especially for this blog, because those two women helped me through the emotional roller coaster of making the tough decision to step down from full-time help with my family member.
Here are the confirmations I received during the week before making my final decision.
First, I signed up for Joyce Meyer's Girl's Night In, not knowing the topic. While watching, I was [insert mind-blown and praise emoji] surprised and delighted that it was about-> self-care, saying no as needed, and putting ourselves first (in a balanced and healthy way).
Then came a devotional from Terri Savelle Foy's Live Your Dreams 90-day devotional. Day 58 was about letting go of old ways for something new. Check out the quote for that day below.
"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings."
Next, I received an email from Terri Foy titled "Are You Supposed to Quit?"
She's the "cheerleader of dreams"! She's all about not quitting. Yet, here she was, sending a timely email- straight to my inbox. Here are some snips from her email.
However, there is a PLUS SIDE of QUITTING you need to know about.
Again I'm not talking about quitting when something gets difficult – that's not what this is about. You don't quit due to hardship, but you should quit when you realize you're doing the wrong thing.
There is a good fight of faith. And we must stand and keep standing for what we're believing for. That's part of the journey and the process of receiving God's promises.
I firmly believe that NOT QUITTING is an admirable trait.
I'm the "Cheerleader of Dreams" who teaches discipline and determination. However, there are some things that you may need to QUIT or STOP DOING because God has something different for you.
I admire people for stepping out in faith. But I also admire when people admit it's the wrong thing and they get out!
Her April Special is a CD teaching on Quitting! LOL Yep, I ordered it.
Finally, on Joyce Meyer's tv show, How to Stay Hopeful | Joyce Meyer | Enjoying Everyday Life in her Candid Conversations section (starts at minute 13:51), she talked about getting to the point where we've done all we can do and the time of helping has come to an end.
After spending some time with God with my prayer journal, I made the difficult choice to end my full-time help. I did appropriate preparations and what-nots to ease the transition. And let the person know of the changes.
COMFORT & CONFIDENCE
At first, the person defaulted into "I can't" I'm unable to..." Yet, a situation happened that clarified that they could and are able to... I smiled at their revelation as they realized they were going to be okay.
I'm still in their life- just not in a capacity that I don't have a good fit for. I've done all I can. Helped them with what I know and stepped aside to let someone else with that skillset step in.
Sometimes we can block what someone needs by standing in the way.
And oh, the peace I felt when I made the decision, took appropriate steps to ease the transition, and let go.
The 20/20 hindsight gives me the confidence to step out into areas that I believe I'm called into. I'm ready and excited to start living my dreams and watch this precious loved one become all they can be… of course, depending on the choices they make.
Stress Less SOS
Staying in a situation -when it's time to leave- is miserable and stressful. I talk a lot about stress because it's the chronic ongoing stress that can lead to health issues, anxiety and keep us stuck- not living a life we love and enjoy.
So now to you.
Who do you surround yourself with? Who are you listening to? Are you growing, learning, and stretching out of your comfort zone?
Do you know some situations that need to be changed?
Are you making hard choices so that you are becoming all you can be?
I'd love to hear from you. I use Wix. Leaving comments on this website blog is a little wonky. So click here to leave a comment on this blog's Facebook post.
Carpe Diem (make the most of the present time)
Here are some steps you can do -- right now.
1. Examine your life. Is there anything you need to quit?
2. Is what you are listening to and watching for the majority of your time uplifting, encouraging, funny, educational, and thought-provoking?
3. Are you ready to make some changes?
Keep in mind, you don't have to change everything all at once.
Slow and steady wins the race.
To help you get started, sign up to take the newly revised Stress Less SOS 7-day FREE email course.
In this easy-to-follow 7-day email course, you'll learn simple strategies that help you feel peace, hope, and determination so you can begin taking control of what's stressing you so you can enjoy your life- again.
Is this you?
For whatever reason...
it could be from a painful past
a painful memory that lingers
an ongoing stressful situation
your hormones are out of whack
- You are tired of thinking about it, talking about it, and trying to deal with it. -
Yet, you can't figure out a different way. You're stuck in a destructive (or fearful) pattern that sabotages one or more areas in your life.
It's TIME to CHANGE all that!
I'm here to share with you- there's a better way.
You CAN move from the negative effects of stress, anxiety, and emotional pain.
From the dis-ease
From the racing heart
From the inability to fall or stay asleep
From the mind that is constantly replaying the past
and other symptoms of chronic stress.
The healing journey starts with one step.
Take that first step by signing up for this super simple 7-day email course.
This email course will walk you through the powerfully effective fundamentals needed to help you deal with stress. It also will help relieve the anxiety that can come with being stressed out.
“It is not what we do occasionally that brings victory in our lives, but what we do consistently and diligently. A little obedience mixed with a lot of disobedience still equals an unpleasant life.”
– Joyce Meyer
Here’s to your health!
It is my goal to teach, encourage, and empower you to make health-promoting decisions so you can reclaim your life and health from stress or emotional pain.
Click here Work with Me to start or continue your healing journey.
Missy Rankin, CTNC, CHC
Certified Transformation Coach
Certified Hormone Coach
Science-Based: I write blogs based on science and/or evidence-based information. I add my experience(s) and education where applicable.
Faith-Based: I may also add scriptures and faith-based information as well.
The information shared here is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified healthcare professional and is not intended as medical advice. It is intended as sharing of information only. Legal Policies
This post may include affiliate links to products I have personally used and/or recommend. At no extra cost to you, I may earn a small percentage so that I can keep my digital products and coaching services affordable. You can read the full disclosure here.
#recovery #lifestyle #happy #happiness #healthy #coronavirus #help #pain #sleep #peace #stressfree #mentalillness #support #energy #anxietyrelief #calm #emotions #relaxation #healthcoach #lifecoach #stresslesssos