Quitting the wrong thing won't produce a win- but quitting the right thing will.
What possibly could be a 'right' thing to quit? You may ask.
Continually putting others before your needs
Staying with something or someone when it's over
If you follow my blog, you may have read my blog, Surviving Temporary Interruptions. A family member needed my help, and I was there for them- full time.
A few weeks ago, I was sensing that my time for helping this person was coming to an end.
Usually, no one is happy when you do what's best for you. Prepare for that if this blog/article resonates with you and you know you need to 'quit' something.
During the time I had been helping this person, I focused on and taught "how to" do… plus valuable organizational skills. I spent time helping them to "level up" in areas they needed help. Now, I am stepping down from that position, and I have found specialized support for their specific needs.
WHEN HELPING HURTS
Sometimes we think we're helping someone, but we can actually end up doing so much for them that they expect us to continue the constant help.
Sometimes we go from helping and supporting to enabling them. Enabling means supporting someone's behavior. It's usually used in terms of enabling someone's addictive behaviors- but it doesn't have to be something as serious as addictions to drugs, gambling, overeating, and other destructive behaviors.
It can be as simple as doing something (usually over and over and over and over), so the other person doesn't have to struggle. Or rescuing someone from a painful consequence. Even "breaking the fall," so to speak, to prevent a friend or loved one from fully experiencing the outcome of their choice(s).
When we step into a role or continue the role- beyond reasonable limits- of savior, helper, rescuer … we end up robbing them of their potential to grow from adversity or learn from their mistakes.
KNOWING WHEN TO QUIT
This is a hard one. When we've stepped up to help someone- there may come a time when we stop and let them live their own life.
Obviously, there are situations where we will need to continue as I did when I took care of my disabled mom. This blog/article isn't about being a full-time caregiver. That's a whole other thing.
This is about when it's time to do what we need to do for ourselves. It's time to live our lives and let others live theirs.
We all make choices. And we all should live out the consequences of our choice- good or bad. Anger, resentment, and boundary violations happen when someone else's poor choice affect us.
Recently, when I knew I couldn't keep on helping full-time, I wrestled with guilt, and 'shoulds', and the 'what ifs' that saying no and setting needed healthy boundaries can bring. I prayed and sought direction. And the beautiful thing is that I found encouragement and confirmation in my network of people I spend time with every day.
CONNECTIONS & CONFIRMATIONS
Before we continue, who do you listen to daily or weekly? Who (or what) feeds your soul, mind, and emotions? What direction is your life headed? Are you happy and content with your answer?
I decided a long time ago to limit what I call 'mindless TV.' Instead, I listen to or watch productive, positive, educational, and usually faith-filled podcasts or tv. I have a few shows that I watch for entertainment, but not many. Instead, I fill my mind and feed my spirit with what will help me grow as a person and continue my physical, mental, and emotional healing.
I want and need all the help I can get. I love how I feel when I listen to a message on faith or learn a new skill or 'level-up' (< my word for 2020 and I did).
My posse or network includes but isn't limited to… Terri Savelle Foy and Mama Joyce Meyer.
I focus on them, especially for this blog, because those two women helped me through the emotional roller coaster of making the tough decision to step down from full-time help with my family member.
Here are the confirmations I received during the week before making my final decision.
First, I signed up for Joyce Meyer's Girl's Night In, not knowing the topic. While watching, I was [insert mind-blown and praise emoji] surprised and delighted that it was about-> self-care, saying no as needed, and putting ourselves first (in a balanced and healthy way).
Then came a devotional from Terri Savelle Foy's Live Your Dreams 90-day devotional. Day 58 was about letting go of old ways for something new. Check out the quote for that day below.
"New beginnings are often disguised as