Help! People Walk All Over Me!

Evidence-Based


If that title grabbed you. You just may be boundary-less. Think of healthy boundaries as a fence around your yard. The fence clearly defines where your property starts and stops.


Keep reading. Boundaries are game changers. Life Savers.


For reasons beginning in my childhood, I learned to be nice. Good. Compliant.


Over time, that became my default personality. It was OK until someone else's actions, desires, needs, wants, etc., clashed with mine.


Instead of assertively expressing my desires, needs, wants, opinions, concerns… I would get angry (hello passive-aggression), pout, whine, complain- but never assert what it was that I wanted.


People in my life realized that if they could weather the Pout-ty, Whiney, Complaining Storm, they'd eventually get what they wanted from me.


My unmet needs festered and simmered until I had enough, and I would explode to get my needs met- just the way I had seen my parents do it.


Unfortunately, setting boundaries were one of the last healthy habits I started. My family was already used to my 'yes' every time something was needed.


In fact, even while struggling with chronic fatigue, I watched our 3-year-old grandson for hours a few times a week. I would be wiped out by the end of the week. I'd recover a little, then the cycle would start all over again.


Looking back, I shake my head at what I allowed. I wasn't "needed." I was "preferred." L.O.L. Does that make sense?


Learned behavior can be unlearned. New healthy habits can replace old, unhealthy, self (and relationship) sabotaging ones.


However, did you know the brain loves its "comfort zone"? It loves the familiar. Same 'ole same 'ole. And it resists new! The next time you are learning something new, be aware of any internal resistance.